I think the most important thing to state here before I dive in, is that change takes time and it is a journey. When you have made peace with this, then it’s a mindset adjustment to enjoy and learn from the journey and not just have the destination in mind.
Things to keep in mind from the post that I shared earlier this month:
- Yes, your transformation will be hard
- Yes, you will feel frightened and messed up and knocked down
- Yes, you’ll want to stop
- Yes, it’s the best work you’ll ever do
The above might turn you away as you don’t feel like you could possibly deal with hard work if you’re already in a tough place, but that decision is where your journey will commence.
So, with that said, where do I begin…
I loved school but the competitive and academic elements caused huge anxiety for me.
I cried every math’s class in Std. 2 (Gr. 4)
I cried every exam for most of Junior School.
I put a huge amount of pressure on myself and the thought of failure was just too much to deal with. This was my inner battle. My self-doubt would cloud the fact that I knew I was perfectly capable, worked hard, was sporty and could achieve what I put my mind to.
I first came across the Enneagram in 2015 as part of a corporate program. The first thing I thought when I received my report feedback was, “Hey, there are other people in the world like me!” And just like that, the door of discovery opened, and I decided to do a couple of things that scared the s#%t out of me, but I had to embrace the pain to make the changes I wanted to see in my life. At that point in time I was 31 years old, newly divorced, really not enjoying my job anymore and wanting to develop a new skill set. I was living at home with my Mom and Dad (I am just so lucky I had that sanctuary to go to) and generally feeling down.
This is what unfolded over a 5-year period from then until now:
- I saw a wonderful therapist to work through my divorce.
- I said yes to a blind date (eek) and am now married to Jonty and we have the sweetest little boy.
- In May 2016 I moved into Sales – this was an eye-opener!! It was really hard for me, but I am so glad I did it and learnt so much from the experience.
- In March 2017 I began my studies with the Centre for Coaching through UCT’s Graduate Business School
- In 2018 I completed my Professional Coaching Course and became a Certified Integral Coach.
- In May 2019 I gave birth to my son and had to work through post-natal depression.
- In July 2019 I decided I wanted to coach full time and started working on a business plan.
- In March 2020 I left my corporate safety net and the people I loved to start Blue Sky Coaching.
I think point 3 is very important. When we want to engage in change and growth, we must remember that the first, second, third or fiftieth thing we try might not be what we are looking for, but we must keep going and we must be able to learn from the experience! Yes, sales nearly killed me (dramatic I know, but maybe one day my ex-boss Michaela Voller will tell you what I said to her in a meeting) but every cent of commission I earned helped me pay for my studies. Without going into sales, I would not have been able to afford my certification and so I will always be grateful for that period of time in my life.
We work with narrative and storytelling in the coaching space. When I started my professional course, Janine (Director of Centre for Coaching) gave me these narratives to work with:
- The porcelain doll – beautiful yet fragile
- The dragon dancer – powerful, able to move with strength and courage
My question for that year was: How did I free myself today? This really spoke to freeing myself from the fear, anxiety, self-doubt and self-limiting beliefs.
Yes, I’m still motivated by a need for safety and belonging.
Yes, I am risk-averse and would prefer to have a plan, so I am prepared.
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Yes, I’m courageous and strong. My fear and anxiety are part of me, but they do not dictate how I live my life.